I recently applied to be a vendor at a fashion show event, and was denied, because they evidently felt what I do does not have much to do with fashion and/or beauty.

I do transition coaching.

As women transition in their lives, their bodies are changing, the developmental stages they go through are creating shifts both in how they look , and in their perception of how they look, in relation to other women who may be at an earlier developmental & life stage .

Their values are most likely shifting as well, and how they see themselves, and think about themselves, in relation to the world in general, is also changing.

Let’s not forget the adage that beauty comes from the inside out.

How a woman feels about herself strongly influences non-verbal body language, the aura they put off, their demeanor and posture, whether they exude an air of confident and a positive sense of self.

All these things influence the way we are seen and responded to.

I have observed, and worked with, many women as they age, and even the way they dress and the amount and type of make-up they choose, reflect changing ideas about who they think they are, and who they believe they can be in relation to younger women.

You and I both know that it’s important to be realistic about how old we are, and how we respond to the world out of that knowledge.

Women who dress like they’re 20 years old, but who are actually 50 years old, are unconsciously making a statement to the world that they may not be in a place of acceptance with who they are; that they are feeling some negative judgment about their age.

And, unfortunately, these women don’t always realize that they don’t look 20 years old just because they dress like a 20 year old. They look instead like a 50 year old trying to look like a 20 year old!

None of us want to reflect that message to the world!

It is simply not possible to slap a bunch of make-up on our faces, wear expensive, stylish clothes, and think this will camouflage a negative self image.

If we start with making ourselves beautiful on the inside, it becomes much easier to look and feel beautiful on the outside!

We think of life as being really important; as being the most important thing there is, in fact.

That’s when we are thinking about our own life, and the lives of the people and things we care about.

We human beings tend to be fairly ego-centric, meaning that we believe everything does, and should, revolve around our needs and desires.

And if you are 4 years old, that makes sense. Not so much so when you’re an adult, and still thinking in those terms.

The world does not, in fact, revolve around what human beings need and want. Nature is fairly impervious  to our needs.

Nature is structured around balance, not what humans want…as evidenced by the thunderstorm that arrives on the day of the picnic, or the earthquake & tidal wave that decimates an entire city and its population.

Nature is not “fair” or “loving” in the way we define those terms.

Nature just “is” what it is.

Nature is predicated on the bigger picture. A picture much larger and more profound than merely the concern for what individual human beings need.

So…life is important, but not more important than death.

We need both life & death in the world to maintain balance.

Imagine if plants and animals never died. We would be overrun by creatures and vegetation!

Everything operates within a life/death cycle. Summer turns to Autumn, which turns to Winter, which turns to Spring…

Plants die, and new ones are born. Animals die, and baby animals are born.

It is the way things are. It is the way things will always be. It is the way it needs to be to sustain the world and keep the world balanced.

This process must be impartial. If nature were to start showing favoritism, we would truly be in trouble!

So it is, I suppose, a good thing human beings are not ultimately in charge of these decisions. We tend to run amok, to choose egocentrically what we want to see happen, and to disregard the bigger picture!

Don’t we, in fact, see this happening on a regular basis with those things about which we are allowed to make decisions?

Think about it.

We often prolong life after the brain is dead, because we don’t want to suffer the loss of a loved one, or we don’t want to be accused of being the “cause” of their death.

We kill off bugs, insects, and other pesky things that play a vital role in nature, merely because we don’t like them bothering us.

We label dandelions as weeds, and kill them by the thousands, merely because our definition of beauty and a “healthy lawn” excludes these particular flowering plants.

In killing plants we don’t want, we often poison the ground and water supplies, thus killing off other precious parts of nature which are important to earth’s survival.

Sometimes we even kill people who kill people, and are self-righteously sanctioned to do so by our legal system, even though we are furious if someone dies prematurely due to illness, accident, or in some other way that we did not orchestrate or sanction.

Our researchers are frantically attempting to find ways to extend human life. Aren’t we already overrun by those blasted baby boomers, who absolutely refuse to die?

What are we thinking!

Life & Death. If they are in a balanced state, both are important parts of our very existence.

We can’t have life without death. We can’t have death with life.

Only a fear of the unknown, of not knowing much about death, keeps us from acknowledging and embracing this self-evident aspect of existence.

As eloquently stated by that very popular baby boomer musical group: “To every thing, turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn turn. And a time to every purpose under heaven!”

So… let’s try not to get too uppity and full of ourselves! How about if we try to live within nature, rather than trying to make up our own rules.

It’ll work much better for us in the grand scheme of things, and we will no doubt be much more content and happy if we stop trying to do what is not possible to do anyway!

Coach Char

Guiding You to Grow Your Legacy

http://www.nextinlifecoaching.com

Ok, ok, I know this subject gets talked about a great deal, and everybody thinks they have the key to what it’s all about!

But just hold on!

I really think I have the key to what it’s all about!

The dictionary gives a number of definitions for what confidence is, but they all boil down to one basic thing.

Trust!

“…from Latin confīdere, from fīdere to trust”

If we feel we can confide in someone, we have “confidence” that they will keep what we say “confidential.”

In other words, we trust them!

If we have confidence that something will work out the way we want it to, or at least the way we believe it will, we can say we trust the process.

If we have confidence in a co-worker’s abilities, we can say we trust them to do what they say they can do, or what we have previously observed them being able to do. We trust in their ability to succeed!

Self confidence comes from a high level of trust in ourselves, not so much that what we do in any particular situation will work out, but rather that we can be ok regardless of what happens. We have a belief that we are able to handle ourselves in a wide range of situations and can handle a wide range of possible scenarios and be fine regardless of the outcome.

We trust ourselves and our ability to be resilient, flexible, and to keep ourselves safe from whatever imagined psychic or emotional threat to our well-being might be gerbil-wheeling around in our heads.

In other words, we have a recognition that we are the keepers of our own safety, and therefore feel generally safe in the world in a variety of contexts and situations.

This applies to all points in our lives, but is particularly noticeable at points of life transitions.

Transitions tend to be unsettling because those are the times when we are moving from familiarity to the unknown.

And as we all know, the unknown can be a little scary since it is difficult to prepare for, and often catches us off-guard and may require new skills and new information to maneuver through.

There’s a quote by an unknown author that I think particularly salient to demonstrate this.

“When you come to the edge of all you know,

And are about to step off into the unknown,

Faith is knowing one of two things will happen.

Either there will be something solid to stand on,

Or you will be taught to fly.”

Confidence in yourself and your capability to handle whatever comes next allows you to journey through these transitions in a way that creates more positive anticipation of your future, rather than creating fear!

You can explore life and all the adventures you might have, rather than living cautiously and missing out!

Do you trust yourself and the people in your life?

Do you have the confidence to be open to new adventures in your life?

Let me know the ways in which having confidence in, and trusting yourself or someone/something, has opened up opportunities for you, or added to the quality of your life and the joy you’ve allowed yourself to feel in a particular instance…or in general!

I’d love to hear from you…let me know whether you agree (disagree?) that trust is indeed the key to what confidence is all about!

Coach Char

Guiding You to Grow Your Legacy, One Blog at a Time!